Understanding Anxiety in Children and Teenagers
All children and young people experience worry from time to time. Feeling nervous before a new experience, unsure about a change, worried about school or friendships, or concerned about what others think are all normal parts of growing up.
It can be challenging to tell the difference between everyday worries and ongoing anxiety. For some children and teenagers, worries become more frequent, intense or overwhelming and may begin to affect everyday life, including school, friendships, activities, relationships and family life.
As parents, it can be difficult to know what to say or do when your child or teenager is feeling anxious. Our instinct is often to reassure them that everything will be okay. While this response comes from a place of care, young people who are feeling anxious often benefit most from first feeling understood and supported.
What does anxiety look like in children and teenagers?
Anxiety doesn't always look like worry. Sometimes it shows up through changes in behaviour, emotions or physical symptoms.
Children and teenagers experiencing anxiety may:
Avoid school, social situations or activities they previously enjoyed.
Seek frequent reassurance.
Have difficulty concentrating or completing schoolwork.
Become irritable, emotional or withdrawn.
Experience emotional outbursts or become easily overwhelmed.
Find certain situations, changes or expectations difficult to manage.
Experience physical symptoms such as tummy aches, headaches, changes in appetite or difficulty sleeping.
Worry about friendships, school performance, social situations or what others think of them.
It is important to remember that anxiety is not simply a young person being difficult or refusing to cope. Often, anxiety is the brain and body's way of trying to protect them from something that feels uncertain, uncomfortable or unsafe.
Helping at home
When a child or teenager is feeling anxious, their brain can begin acting a little like a guard dog, focusing on keeping them safe rather than helping them think things through. Before they can problem-solve or consider what to do next, they may first need to feel supported and understood so their brain and body can begin to settle.
Talking with your child about what they are experiencing can help them make sense of their feelings. Children and teenagers don't always have the words to explain why they feel worried — and sometimes they genuinely don't know. A calm adult who listens without immediately trying to fix the problem can make a difference.
You might say:
"I can see this feels really hard right now."
"I wonder if part of this feels difficult because you're not sure what to expect."
"What are you noticing in your body when you start to feel worried?"
"It's okay to feel worried. We don't have to solve everything right now."
Helping young people recognise what they are feeling is an important step towards learning how to manage those feelings.
Building strategies for managing anxiety
Learning and practising calming and coping strategies can be helpful, and it is often easier to develop these skills when a young person is already feeling relatively calm.
Depending on their age and interests, this might include slow breathing, physical activity, spending time outdoors, listening to music, drawing or creating, spending time with a pet, taking a break in a quiet space or talking with someone they trust.
For teenagers, strategies need to feel relevant to them. Giving young people some choice about what helps can encourage them to develop their own understanding of how they regulate emotions and manage stress.
Avoiding things that make us anxious can feel helpful in the short term, but avoidance can sometimes make worries feel even bigger over time. Where appropriate, supporting a young person to take small, manageable steps towards something they are worried about can help them gradually build confidence in their ability to cope.
It's also important to make time for things young people enjoy. Connection with family and friends, interests and hobbies, physical activity, time outdoors, adequate sleep and regular routines can all contribute to emotional wellbeing.
The goal isn't to remove anxiety completely. Anxiety is a normal human emotion. The goal is to help children and teenagers develop confidence in their ability to experience worry, manage uncomfortable feelings and continue moving forward.
When additional support may help
Sometimes anxiety becomes difficult for a young person and their family to manage on their own. If worries are affecting school attendance, learning, friendships, relationships, sleep, family life or participation in everyday activities, additional support may be helpful.
At Calming Paws Therapy, child counselling, teenage counselling and youth counselling provide young people with a supportive space to better understand what they are experiencing, develop practical coping strategies and build confidence in managing life's challenges.
For some young people, animal-assisted therapy with accredited therapy dog Winnie can also be incorporated into the counselling process. Winnie's presence can provide another way to connect and engage, particularly for young people who may find sitting and talking face-to-face difficult.
Remember
You don't need to have all the answers. One of the most helpful things you can do is remain available, listen without judgement and let your child or teenager know that they don't have to navigate their worries alone.
