Understanding Childhood Anxiety: How to Support Your Child When Worries Feel Big
All children experience worry from time to time. Feeling nervous before a new experience, feeling unsure about a change, or worrying about what others think are all normal parts of growing up.
It can be challenging to tell the difference between everyday worries and ongoing anxiety. While all children experience worry from time to time, for some children these feelings become more frequent, intense or overwhelming. Their worries may begin to affect everyday life, including school, friendships, activities and family routines.
As parents, it can be difficult to know what to say or do when your child is feeling anxious. Our instinct is often to reassure them that everything will be okay. While this response comes from a place of love, children who are feeling anxious often benefit most from first feeling understood and supported.
What does anxiety look like in children?
Anxiety doesn't always look like worry. Sometimes it shows up through changes in behaviour, emotions or physical symptoms.
Children experiencing anxiety may:
Regularly avoid school, social situations or activities they previously enjoyed.
Seek frequent reassurance.
Have trouble concentrating.
Become irritable or emotional.
Experience sudden emotional outbursts, anger or meltdowns.
Find it difficult to separate from parents or caregivers.
Complain of tummy aches, reduced appetite or difficulty sleeping.
It is important to remember that anxiety is not a child being difficult or refusing to cope. Often, anxiety is the brain and body's way of trying to protect them from something that feels uncertain or unsafe.
Helping at home
When your child is feeling anxious, their brain can begin acting like a guard dog, focusing on keeping them safe rather than helping them think things through. Before they can problem-solve or think through a situation, they first need to feel supported and understood so their brain and body can begin to calm.
Talking with your child about their feelings helps them make sense of what they are experiencing. Children don't always have the words to explain why they feel worried. They often need a calm adult to help them name their feelings and understand that everyone experiences worry from time to time.
You might say:
"I can see this feels really hard right now."
"I wonder if this feels a bit scary because it's new."
"Sometimes when we worry, our body feels it too. We might get butterflies in our tummy or our heart might beat faster."
"It's okay to feel worried. I'm here with you and we'll work through it together."
Helping children recognise what they're feeling is an important first step in learning how to manage those feelings.
Teaching and practising calming strategies can also be beneficial, and the best time to do this is when your child is already feeling relaxed. This makes it easier for them to remember and use these skills when worries pop up.
Together you might:
Practise slow breathing.
Go for a walk or play outside.
Try mindful drawing or colouring.
Read a favourite book together.
Create a quiet, cosy space to relax.
Practising these strategies regularly helps children build confidence in using them when they need them most.
Avoiding things that make us anxious can feel helpful in the short term, but it can quickly become a pattern that makes worries feel even bigger over time. Instead, encourage your child to take small, manageable steps towards the things that make them feel anxious. Celebrate their efforts, no matter how small they seem.
It's also important to make time for activities your child enjoys. Spending time playing, being outdoors, connecting with family and friends, and maintaining healthy routines with adequate sleep, good nutrition and regular physical activity all support emotional wellbeing.
The goal isn't to remove anxiety completely. Anxiety is a normal human emotion. The goal is to help children develop confidence in their ability to face worries and trust that they can cope when they arise.
When additional support may help
Sometimes anxiety becomes difficult for children and families to manage on their own. If worries are affecting school attendance, friendships, family life, sleep or everyday activities, seeking support from a qualified counsellor can be helpful.
At Calming Paws Therapy, children and adolescents are supported through evidence-informed counselling, with the option of animal-assisted counselling alongside accredited therapy dog Winnie. Sessions provide a safe, supportive space where young people can understand their emotions, develop practical coping skills and build confidence as they navigate life's challenges.
Remember
You don't need to have all the answers. One of the most helpful things you can do is stay calm, listen without judgement and remind your child that they don't have to face their worries alone.
